Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just got carded by a ten year old.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
