Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
Can you bring me the toilet please
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
I think I fell asleep on my pizza last night. Damn, I am sauccccy.
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