so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
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