i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
