he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
