I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I want to be your penis for a week.
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
