I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
