Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
