I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
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