Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
Randomize
