I think I can smell my own vagina right now
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Blood everywhere...karaoke was nice
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
So I just got motorboated by my grandma…
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
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