Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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