I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
