Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I think online classes were designed around the concept of day drinking.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
Randomize
