Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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