i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize