Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Randomize
