I'm sorry my penis didn't work
So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
It's chlamydia! Thank God!
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
