So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
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