Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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