I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
I'm gonna sleep with her just to prove to my roomate that shes a slut and he's wasting his time
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
my parents decided to start a new christmas tradition. we will now be drinking champagne while opening presents, and we each get our own bottle
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
