is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
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