If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
he was definitely TRYING to give me herpes.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
