Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
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