I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
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