2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Randomize
