Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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