she looked like the before picture.
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
Was just grinding with my bio TA. She asked why i wasnt studying
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
