Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I am going to buy some m-80's and keep a bucket of them in the bathroom. That way I can just depth charge the toilet before each time I use it. Lets see how those snakes like cheap Chinese explosives
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
