Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Randomize
