I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
all i seem to do anymore is lay around stoned, naked and eating mangoes
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
