dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
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