He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I made him laugh his dick is mine
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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