i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
My dad is blowing up my phone with pictures from the midget wrestling match.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize
