just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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