I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
Crowning achievement. I bought ranch dressing and emergency contraception.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
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