But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
did you just send me my own nude
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
Randomize
