I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Randomize
