I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
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