I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Randomize
