I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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