I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
sitting in the kitchen naked and eating stirfry, random dude left my room saying thanks and gave me a bottle of wine. explain...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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