I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
Randomize
