i wish peter jackson would direct porn
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
Mym mom just came downstairs as I got ghome ans I'm trying to act SO CASUAL as i stabdh here hut icant help bur be like 'girl where's ther Turkey sandwiche s' haahaa
I literally need you to talke care of me soooo9o9oooooo drubj gril makin a sabdwiche. SO far its judst bred and paper towel...
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
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