Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just have to decide what I love more, food or dick.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Randomize