Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
