Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
I'm sure there are thousands getting dick today in the name of independence
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize