In the future we'll all be gay
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
