He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I think the fact that I shit my pants, threw away my underwear in a frat bathroom, lost my socks down a drain in the front yard and still got laid... deserves some sort of a victory drink for myself or a blowjob for him since he was such a good sport.
Trevor is horny so he just called me to tell me all the things that he would like to do with his future wife. That's a new one.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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