we're blogging at a bar
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
Randomize