You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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