We drank from noon till 5 am, there was adderall and nice jews involved it was just crazy
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
I'd be there a lot sooner if these damn stairs would stop moving.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
Randomize
