you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
