Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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