I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
Randomize
