I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
