If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
vegan vag taste different. and not a good different
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
