So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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