I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
