Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
Randomize
