my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
