guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Mid-fucking he screams "YOU CAN'T VOTE FOR TRUMP"
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
Randomize
