I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Randomize