We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Take the weirdness of Japan and add the insanity of Florida and that's Jimmy
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Randomize
