Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
