Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
We're exchanging our favorite porn sites at 9 am. I think this brings our relationship to a whole new level
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
