I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize